Published Articles

Tanya is the relationships and sex expert for My Child Magazine, a quarterly, quality parenting magazine. Her question and answer links are
below:

My Child Issue Six

QEveryone says childbirth is the death of the parents’
sex lives – is there any way to prevent this from happening? I am seven months pregnant.

ASex drive in females drops during pregnancy and after birth. There are biological reasons for this – prolactin, which is found in the body while breastfeeding, actually reduces sexual desire and inhibits lubrication of the vagina. This is nature’s way of stopping us from reproducing before we are able to physically care for another child. Once a woman stops breastfeeding, her desire levels rise again. Using lubricant when having sex can address vaginal dryness.

First pregnancies are followed by a permanent decrease in the chemicals secreted by the brain that affect libido. This accounts for part of the lessening of desire. There are physical limitations to consider too. Some women feel so stressed from the demands of their multiple roles that they start to view sex as just another chore.

Some mothers may suffer from postnatal depression and theanxiety that accompanies this will reduce desire levels too. And let’s not forget the “invisible umbilical cord” that prevents mum from being carried away with desire – her baby just has to whimper and mum has lost all interest in sex.

All this sounds disheartening, but it is absolutely normal. Sex,in the form of intimacy, touching, stroking and outercourse (external sexual acts) can begin immediately after birth. Doctors advise that intercourse can start after the sixweek check-up. That’s all well and good, but there are other things to be considered such as getting used to a new baby.

The most important thing to do is communicate with your partner and check in on how the other is feeling. This may sound simple, but people don’t know how to talk about sex. Feedback and requests are seen as criticism or nagging, which can result in defensiveness. If you both understand that it takes time to get your sex life sorted after birth, and you make the effort to talk about it, manage expectations and make time for intimacy, you’ll be much further down the path
than most new parents.